Rescuing vs. Risk-Taking
It is hard to watch someone struggle with a task that seems easy to us. It is hard to be patient while your young child takes a long time to complete a task which we would finish in less than a minute. It is hard to stay silent when your child provides an incorrect answer to a problem that they should understand. Wouldn't it be easier, faster, and better to just do it for them? While it would be faster and probably easier on the adult, doing these things for your young child stops them from learning.
The person who does the work is the only one who learns.
Rescuing:
Rescuing your child from academic struggle or failure is doing more harm than good. If you want your child to learn how to do a task quickly, effectively, or correctly, then you need to get out of the habit of rescuing them. If the task is developmentally appropriate and within your child's ability level, then give them time and space to attempt the task. Your child might need more time or multiple attempts over several days. Instead of completing it for them, you may need to re-teach/re-explain in a new way, offer a tool/strategy, or show an example.
Risk-Taking:
Academic risk-taking is essential. It is through our failures and mistakes that learning occurs. To start building up risk-taking in your child, give them small opportunities in which failure or success depends entirely on them. Encourage them to trust their own judgement if they feel uncertain. If they feel stuck, prompt them with simple questions that get them thinking what their next steps might be. Remind them that it's ok to make mistakes. "Mistakes help us learn! You learned..."
When your child fails, it's natural for them to feel disappointed. Acknowledge their feelings with real empathy. "That didn't work out the way you were hoping it would. Sorry. When that happens to me, I feel disappointed. Is that what you're feeling? Yeah, that's normal." Celebrate their bravery and risk-taking! "You were a risk-taker! You tried your best, even though you weren't sure it would work out. That was brave!" Let them feel the failure without being overwhelmed. Ask them what they might try next time. "What will you do different next time? I wonder if you will try a different strategy." As your child grows more comfortable with failure, guide them into taking slightly greater academic risks. Start with small risks. When they feel successful regularly, move on to medium risks. Later, move on to large academic risks. The goal is to help them preserve, try new things, and creatively solve problems.
Allowing your child to take academic risks can be difficult and time consuming, but it will help your child learn. Remember: You're not a bad parent, and they're not a bad kid. It's time to stop rescuing your child from failure and start letting them learn! You've got this.
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